Skip to main content

Teaching Time Again! (I Am Wise Like Unto Galadriel)

Read this first.


Another teaching of sister Ashley....

Ashley says:
What can i teach you this morning?

Carrie says:
Why are women attracted to bastards?

Ashley says:
Okay...
It all goes back to Eve and her attraction to satan. We are born with it, like men are born with an attraction to any woman naked (see the correlation?). But just because we're born with it doesn't make it okay. We are supposed to go, "Okay, I'm not attracted to THIS man at all, so he must be a good guy. " So there's the formula for choosing a mate.

Carrie says:
LOL CRAP!!

Ashley says:
What else?

Carrie says:
OK..
Ex's. why?

Ashley says:
Because there is an opposite to everything in life: light/dark, sad/happy, current love interest/ex, eating/barfing.

Carrie says:
Why are they like recurring nightmares?

Ashley says:
Okay, well...
Yes, I'm glad you asked.
Ever see Clockwork Orange?

Carrie says:
Yes

Ashley says:
That has nothing to do with it.
Next question...

Carrie says:
Aaaahh!!
Does love really stink? Or does it just need to be refrigerated?

Ashley says:
Wow, you have really been using your noggin'!

Carrie says:
I figure if I just play Ice Queen in my relationships, the love will last longer. Is this the right thing to do?

Ashley says:
Love stinks only when you get drunk and puke on each other. Refrigeration is required only when love involves people you hate. So, yes, playing the Ice Queen means you love someone so much, you hate them. That is the dream! Ever see Mannequin?

Carrie says:
ahahahahhahahahahiwejgajreogsdfjgheoir

Ashley says:

I know you have, so- Andrew McCarthy-love him or hate him? BOTH -being made out of plastic is another way to show love.

Carrie says:
Because..maybe..feelings are feelings because we can't control them.

Ashley says:
But, you can. At least for a while. It's called REPRESSION. It's a very healthy way of burying things we don't want to feel. If we didn't have this mechanism, as it were, the human race would be running around screaming and waving their arms all day.
Mayhem. Chaos. Anarchy.
Repression makes life beautiful.
And psychologists rice.
Rich. 
Not rice
Rice is for weddings. Marriage's survive because of repression.

Carrie says:
That is awesome

Ashley says:
Gotta go

Carrie says:
Bye





Comments

  1. BWAHAHAHAHAH... Ever See Clockwork Orange?? Yes. That has nothing to do with it!!! HAHAHAHAAH!!! I do love you sisters so...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I want that shirt, but sadly, I can't find it on cafepress.com....

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Counterfeit Experience of the Straight Spouse

The conversation has to continue as long as the wrong people keep bringing it up (April 2017, Ensign pg. 33).

The further I get from my experience in a mixed-orientation marriage, the more acute my understanding of how my experience, as the straight spouse, is and was marginalized.

Don't get me wrong! I'm the biggest cheerleader for the gay spouse, feeling trapped and unable to live authentically.  I'm the one banging on the other side of the closet door, begging, "Sweetheart, come on.  Stop doing this to yourself.  It's 2017 and depression or suicide is so unnecessary for THIS." 

But there are also the experiences of the men and women who are/were the straight spouse, like... Ashley 1.0.

We aren't living authentically either.

And our suffering and scars don't seem too important. You may have read about how I super duper wanted to drive my mini-van off of Cedar mountain. 

If you're just joining this conversation:  No, it is not just about sex. …

In Which I Feel Compelled to Start a Blog Because of a Club and a Unicorn...

My name is Ashley.  I was Mormon for the first 36 years of my life.

Yep, I was baptized when I was 8.  I went to BYU where I received a Bachelors in Theatre.  I married a returned missionary in the Mt. Timpanogas Temple.  We were full tithe payers.  I fulfilled several callings diligently, including serving as Primary President for 2 years.

About a year after my divorce, I was chatting with my new bishop, who I had known for several years prior to that.  He asked me, "So, Ashley, why did you and Matt get divorced?"

I replied, "Matt is a homosexual."

I just looked him in the eye after I said this and waited a few seconds while he absorbed it.

Then he asked, "Well, was there another problem as well?  Like drinking? Or gambling?"
I looked him in the eye a second time and replied, "Nope.  Just that."

He was genuinely confused.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in a mixed-orientation marriage- a marriage between someone who is gay and someone who i…

The White Man

Let's leave this ambiguous.

Also, I'm not gonna tell you about experiences that took place with just one white man. For this, I'll make it one lumpy conceptual White Cisgender Heterosexual Conservative Male (cue the music from the 'Beef-It's What's For Dinner!' music).

In the work force, I have to deal with him. I have to play the game of diplomacy without compromising who I am. If it's mental gymnastics, it's the balance beam in heels with someone patting me on the head saying, "Gosh, I just don't know how you do that! I never could do that! But here are some pointers! Hey! Why did you do it like that?? Why aren't you listening?"

...but I just keep doing my thing.

Utah is the type of prime real estate, and certainly not the most prime, where this guy is King. Everything around him is his dominion. He is not a part of a group that is marginalized. For those of you who do not understand what I mean, I'll present you with the ext…