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Showing posts from July, 2013

I Haven't Ruled Out That It Could Be My Twin

In the ER... brain cloud.

Nah, it's a staph infection. (See previous post for the beauty on my hip that looks like a boob.)
Here's today's photo: 

It's like the Eye of Sauron. 
They're about to drain this bitch, pack it, and send me home chock full of antibiotics. 
They gave me a tetanus shot about 20 minutes ago. So I'm good for 5 years. 
I went ahead and asked if they could switch out my Mirena IUD while they're at it. That way, I can take care of renewing both in 2018. You know, for convenience. But the cute man-nurse with a girlfriend was uncomfortable with how excitedly I asked him to do it. 
No new Mirena. 
So I'll go home with a snoopy band-aid instead. 

(I'm a good girl.)
Dude in bed across from me is getting his hand sewn up. They just told him to close his eyes. I'm just countin' my blessings is all. I may change my tune once they slice The Eye open. I'm a teensy bit nervous.

I'm Brazen, and Maybe Even a Hussy

Should I just go live with my parents? 
Should I have all 4 kids live with Matt and I rent a room? 
Should I become a call girl? The high-class, makes 6 figures kind?
It's too hard. 
Scraping by. 
Telling my kids 'no', they can't have this $3 ice cream or that $15 shirt. 
Exhaling mightily when they tell me they need new shoes because there are holes in the current pair or their feet have grown. 
It's so damn hard. Too hard. 
I feel like I'm a pretty good person. I'm smart. I'm witty. I'm a hard worker. I'm even pleasant. 
Why is it so hard? 
I'm not pursuing acting because I need to be a parent first. 
I'm not in school because I put all my eggs (for now anyway) in a $35,000 a year basket (see previous post). 
I'm ready to throw in the towel. I'm feeling beat. I'm the woman who lived in a shoe. I'm Lady Madonna. 
What I want is to be valued for my talents and intellect. $Valued$ 
I'm not ashamed to say it! 
I am worth chasms more t…

Summer 2013 (What the Hell is Going On with Ashley)

I applied to a graduate program at an extremely reputable school called Loma Linda University about 5 minutes down the street from me.  I applied.  I interviewed.  I got in.  But I'm not going.  It's just too damn expensive- yes, even with a $20,000 student loan award.  Looking into other options for fall of 2014.

Jeremy and I are no longer together.  Sad face.  There was just too much time and distance apart.  I really needed him and him, specifically, during a very crucial part of my journey and discovery.  I will be grateful always for him.

Emma is home.  She is home.  Home!  Hooooommmme!  No more waking up at 3am with my-13-year-old-daughter-lives-in-another-state panics and tears.  I'm so happy.  Matt and I picked her up in Vegas a couple weeks ago, and Matt was the happiest, most silly, go-lucky I'd seen him in... too long.

My sister is still living with us, as are her daughters for the summer.

I'm still feeling somewhat lost in my corner of California.