The conversation has to continue as long as the wrong people keep bringing it up (April 2017, Ensign pg. 33).
The further I get from my experience in a mixed-orientation marriage, the more acute my understanding of how my experience, as the straight spouse, is/was marginalized.
Don't get me wrong! I'm the biggest cheerleader for the gay spouse, feeling trapped and unable to live authentically. I'm the one banging on the other side of the closet door, begging, "Sweetheart, come on. Stop doing this to yourself. It's 2017 and despondency or depression or suicide is so unnecessary for THIS."
But there's also the experiences of the men and women who are/were the straight spouse, like Ashley 1.0. We aren't living authentically either. And our suffering and scars aren't seeming too important. You may have read about how I super duper wanted to drive my mini-van off of Cedar mountain.
And if you're just joining this conversation: No. It is…
My name is Ashley. I was Mormon for the first 36 years of my life.
Yep, I was baptized when I was 8. I went to BYU where I received a Bachelors in Theatre. I married a returned missionary in the Mt. Timpanogas Temple. We were full tithe payers. I fulfilled several callings diligently, including serving as Primary President for 2 years.
About a year after my divorce, I was chatting with my new bishop, who I had known for several years prior to that. He asked me, "So, Ashley, why did you and Matt get divorced?"
I replied, "Matt is a homosexual."
I just looked him in the eye after I said this and waited a few seconds while he absorbed it.
Then he asked, "Well, was there another problem as well? Like drinking? Or gambling?"
I looked him in the eye a second time and replied, "Nope. Just that."
He was genuinely confused.
I was in a mixed-orientation marriage- a marriage between someone who is gay and someone who i…
Also, I'm not gonna tell you about experiences that took place with just one white man. For this, I'll make it one lumpy conceptual White Cisgender Heterosexual Conservative Male (cue the music from the 'Beef-It's What's For Dinner!' music).
In the work force, I have to deal with him. I have to play the game of diplomacy without compromising who I am. If it's mental gymnastics, it's the balance beam in heels with someone patting me on the head saying, "Gosh, I just don't know how you do that! I never could do that! But here are some pointers! Hey! Why did you do it like that?? Why aren't you listening?"
...but I just keep doing my thing.
Utah is the type of prime real estate, and certainly not the most prime, where this guy is King. Everything around him is his dominion. He is not a part of a group that is marginalized. For those of you who do not understand what I mean, I'll present you with the ext…