In Which I Interview My Sister About Moving in With Me

Me:  Hi, Carrie.

Sis:  Hello.

Me:  I'm interviewing you right now.

Sis:  O..kay...

Me:  You recently moved.  Correct?

Sis:  I did.  I'm a free bird.  Because I live wherever I am.

Me:  I see.  So, where do you live right now, at this time?

Sis:  Well, I take my slumber at your house, Sister.  But I like knowing that I live in California.

Me:  And why is that?

Sis:  Firstly, California is more evolved than many of the other states.  It has mountains, Gandalf, mountains! And the Mother Ocean is not too far away.  And I can smoke pot here and not feel...like a criminal.

Me:  But you are a criminal...

Sis:  (giggles)  According to the effed up system, you mean?

Me:  I mean, it's not like you live in Colorado.

Sis:  Well, it beats Louisiana & Oklahoma.

Me:  Tell me about the highlights of your first 6 days here in Southern California.

Sis:  Coming from the Louisiana swamp lands (for the last 4 months), the air here seems crisper and smells much better... delightful even.  I love the Palm, Orange, and Lemon trees.  And the mountain views in the distance (looks fondly out the window).

Me:  K

Sis:  I'm enjoying the authentic Mexican food, Trader Joe's- which I like to call Elysium...  Of course, I always cherish time with family and Sizzer (sister).

Me:  Um, what are some fun things you've done with Sizzer so far?

Sis:  We've gone to World Market, you're wonderful place of employment with its eclectic worldly treasures.  Had liquid nitrogen ice cream.  And watched Wanderlust 3 times.

Me:  Jesus, Carrie.  What about the drag show I took you to featuring Raven of RuPaul's Drag Race fame?

Sis:  Aahhh, yes.  That.

Me:  Yes.  That.

Sis:  It has been many a moon since I've gone to a drag show because I realized that I was never going to find a heterosexual man to have sex with if I continued hanging out at the gay clubs all the time.  But I must say it was top notch.  And I wish it would have been my birthday so I could have been made to talk about how much I love to perform a O*%! S@# in front of the gay man who would never be interested in my talents.

Me:  Well, I'm hoping you particularly enjoyed Raven's rendition of The Jet's "Crush on You" complete with banana-clipped wig and pink, belted jump suit with shoulder pads. (gives threatening look to Sis)

Sis:  Um...  loved... it.

Me:  I hate you.  Move out.

Sis:  (giggling nervously) Um, what else fun have we done (looking at ceiling, ignoring sister)?  We've hung out at the best coffee shop in town, Olive Ave Market.

Me:  That is exactly correct.  Why won't you get your eyebrows done with me, bitch? (crosses arms)

Sis:  Because au naturale is very important to me.  Besides on my nethers.  All dats gots ta go.

Me:  Oh, but you also like mani-pedis.

Sis:  One of the few girly things I value.  I also do it for men.  Cause boyyyy do they love that shit.

Me:  Hey, sis.  Why the fuck won't you watch Battlestar Galactica with me?

Sis:  I have watched 3 episodes of the 1st season.  All it is is a soap opera in space.  And 'So Say We All' annoys the hell out of me.

Me:  ...can't argue there.

Sis:  And they do the 'frak', right?

Me:  (nods head) Any final words?

Sis:  Yes, for more of me, please check out my blog (authorcawhite.wordpress.com), twitter (@MermaidLion), and FB fan page (Facebook.com/authorCAWhite).

Me:  Any final words about California?  Or Ashley?

Sis:  Nothing is coming to mind.

Me:  Wow.

Sis:  Don't hate  me.

Me:  I already said that I did.