Birthday Night at Taylor's

So, I wasn't sure if I was gonna tell ANYONE this, much less put it on my blog, but I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I worked the night of my birthday.  Enjoyed every minute of it.  Came home, got kids tucked in, and decided to go try out a bar in town that I'd heard has karaoke.

Matt was out of town.  Didn't want to call up any of my new friends here at 11pm.  I went alone.

I walked into the bar, and there were 2 people there-  the bartender and some guy.

And it was dead quiet.  No music.  No talking.  Obvi, no karaoke going on.

I saddled up to the bar and started asking questions:

"No karaoke tonight, huh?"

"Why is it so quiet?"

"Why is there no music playing?"

"Is it always this empty?"

After I got all my answers, I nodded slowly and said, "Well, I'll stay for a drink.  It's my birthday."

The dude sitting at the bar told the bartender, Kathy, "I'll buy her drink."

"Awww...thanks.  I'll have a lemon drop!"

Delish!  Drunk in under 4 minutes.

The 3 of us are chatting.  Then it becomes just the dude and me chatting.  He tells me he's a doctor.  He tells me he's Seventh Day Adventist, but he called it 'SDA'.  He's 31.

I tell him I have a boyfriend (subtext- "Feel free to stop buying me drinks, cause I ain't going home with you").  I'm new in town.  Bla bla bla.

I order a Bicardi & Pineapple, which the doctor paid for again.

After chatting for quite a while, a gorgeous Guatemalan girl comes in.  She's very bubbly.  Her name is Astrid.  The doc is still vying for my attention and trying to convince me to have dinner with him.  That it would be harmless.

"I'm sorry.  I just couldn't do that.  I know you just want to have sex with me."

Next, a couple of policemen come into the bar.  They are friends of Astrid's.  So she is mainly talking to them, while the doc tells me he doesn't want to hear about my boyfriend.

Then Astrid plays a song on the jukebox and tells me to come dance with her.  "This is a song for the birthday girl!  Get over here, bitch!"  So I do.

Then one of her cop friends comes over and handcuffs us.

He pulls out his phone to take a photo.  Astrid puckers up like she's gonna pretend to kiss me, so I pucker up and close my eyes, you know, for the photo silliness.

Next thing I know, Astrid's mouth is on my mouth.  Then she opens her mouth.  Then her lips are closing and opening.  Then a tongue happens.

I'm trying to keep it together.

When the photos were done being taken, I said, "Well, I think I'm all sobered up now.  Gotta get home to the kids."

As I'm getting in the car, I hear Astrid shouting, "You better call me!"

I drove home, mildly freaking out.

I was thinking, No one must ever know!

I went home and watched a movie that is chock full of hetero sex called The Lover in order to cleanse myself of the girl kiss.

Matt messaged me from Utah, "What did you do tonight for your birthday?"

"Um, I can only tell you if you promise not to tell anyone..."

"Whatever.  What?!"

I explained.  His response was "Oh my god!"

"I want to move to Denver," I said.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," Matt said.

P.S.  I went back a couple nights later for karaoke.  I killed it.  People were asking me where in the world I came from.  I just don't know anymore.  I just don't know...