Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Bad Naked

I've been struggling.

The past couple of days, I haven't had anything constructive to blog about.

The MO of my blogging is to be completely naked and not put on pretenses. I haven't wanted to show you my 'ugly naked'...

And now, taking the stage... is Ashley's Ugly Naked:

A lot of my time is spent with kids or taking naps or talking to my boyfriend.

I have anger building up inside of me. Anger toward several things in my life. I'll have a side of anger with a small glass of anger with ice. And for dessert, I'll try the anger ala mode.

I've put a lot of work into being positive in the past couple of years. Lots of work into adapting my perspective into one that is grounded in gratitude and joy.

And now here I am...

after giving up so much to get my kids here to California...

feeling good, feeling confident I was doing the right thing for my family...

and I'm not feeling good or confident.

I don't want to get out of bed. And I want to drink lots of beer.

And it's October. My favorite month. I am usually euphoric with the onset of Fall and upcoming Halloween, the best holiday.

And I am numb.

And angry.

And I feel ugly.

7 comments:

  1. You'll get through it. You've gone through so much already and found your way to the positive side. It's okay to be angry and numb. Trying to be positive all the time would be exhausting. Just be you, Honey, and what ever mood suits you at that time. Because it will pass, and everything is going to be okay. Rocky roads are supposed to provoke these feelings, but rocky roads are what make us grow the most into the skin of who we are supposed to be. Chin up!

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  2. give yourself permission to feel this way for a bit, then, take a breath, and move forward again. pretending it's all okay is lying to your soul, and, you've had enough of that for one lifetime.

    x

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  3. You are beautiful Ashley. Your honesty is beautiful. That's all I've got to say about that...

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  4. See above. And if you can't get to positive, try to get to neutral for a bit.

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  5. It's probably because you are full of sin and regret. You should repent and return to the Amish lifestyle at once. You have delved too far into the English world. Beer?! Please don't get fat. I don't want you to be angry, ugly AND fat. Jesus take the wheel! Maybe after tonight's Romney VS Obama , the Super Bowl of politics, you'll have new thoughts and fresh ideas to pump into your boring, "I love my children and new man" blog thought process that you can't seem to shake. You're probably getting all womanly emotional with the thought of aging with your birthday fast approaching(We're closer to 40 than 30 now). That seems to make most girls I know sad and miserable. I wish you were here so I could kick you right in your puss.

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  6. wish you were still in utah, i really miss you. I have no one to give gifts too.

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