Shakespearean Dirty Talk
- Yesterday morning, this happened:
- are you really up?
- uh huh
- Got up an hour ago
- I love thee unto thine
- Wha?
- I am loving unto thee and forthwith
- Surely you jest
- Fie! I have loved thine orifice these 13 months!
- How canst thou but to love me?
- Good sir, you speak a speaking that I loathe to find contract with. I love thee, surely. But not just thine face. Were that thy face were that of a troll, I would love thee. It is the heart in thee that I would to husband.
- (that was pretty damn fucking good, let's keep going)
- Thy words are like honey unto the mouth of babes. Moreover, thine golden eyes are the stuff which compels men unto war, poets unto the pen, and fools unto love.
- How can I hear this? How can I take heart unto thine words that are only words? They make me feel but like an ass. I am no lady. I am no queen. I am but a wench who doth fret for her bread and milk. Thou art but a fool, aye, that thou have spoke true. Get thou to a priest. A priest will make thee right.
- Aye, but unto thee no priest shall I commit. I wouldst but have then for mine own self be true, and wilt thou not but be lady luck this eve? Verily, thou shalt know what it is to be a lady in mine arms.
- (mine own self be true! hahaha)
- Sir do I hear thee right and true? Dost thou proclaim to desire mine very own virtue? Dost thou desire to sweat and grunt like a beast unto mine own?
- It is not right that I shouldst speak thus. I dare not.
- I think true that thou hast done so, sir.
- Thou hast caught my red hand in thy honeypot. Soft!
what doth lye-iff??!!
ReplyDeleteThat's the spice
DeleteIn my next life I'm going to come back as a Shakespeare scholar. Or Emma Thompson.
ReplyDeleteLOL! The two of you are huge dorks... eth.
ReplyDeleteYeseth!
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