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Meanwhile, Back at Headquarters...

So lately, meaning the past 2 or 3 days, I've been having thoughts like this:

I miss Cedar City.  

What the hell have I done?

Maybe moving here was the wrong thing to do...

I've been a bit like a zombie.

There is an emotional reality to my life right now and a logical one.  The emotional side of things is usually the stronger of two on Ashley Planet.   

Emotional:  The past 2 or 3 days, I have acutely felt the irony of having moved back into an old situation that I had moved on from.

Logical:  This particular situation- living with Matt again, acting as stay-at-home mom to all 4 kids- is only temporary.

Last night, Matt and I went out for a bite.  As we were driving to Chili's (shut up; it was happy hour) I said to Matt, "The past coupla days I've been feeling like this move was the wrong thing."

"Okay...elaborate on that," replies Matt.

"Nah," I reply.

Once we got to Chili's and I had begun to sip on a delish $4.50 margarita on the rocks, I then had some elaborations.

As Matt and I talked it out, he said a very profound thing that I'm sure I would have eventually figured out on my own, which was, "This living situation does not work for me.  It doesn't work for you, but... it clearly is working for the kids.  They are so happy.  This is the happiest I've seen Hana and Emma.  And it's obvious Timothy and Ada are happy.  And that's why we decided to do this in the first place."

He was so right.

And then I was all fine. Kinda.

And I was glad at that moment to be talking to someone who wasn't existing in a fog of emotion, like unto myself.


  1. Loved this crumb. I predict you will look back on this time-- down the road-- and really cherish it (even more than you are Cedar City right now).


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