So now we're in December. And as golden as my intentions were to keep my love/lust/dreamy life separate from my kids/mom/yelling life, they started to merge. Oh my word(s)! That stressed me out, dudes. And it was all about me- my fears and apprehensions.
* Jeremy witnessed me losing my temper. Baaaad for romance.
*My kids were very awkward, each in their own way, when he started coming around- Emma would become a zombie, Timmy got all bipolar, Ada was touchy-feely, Hana was just rude.
We tried to do better and get back to keeping things separate.
I loved singing for Jeremy. I loved going to karaoke with him and having him request songs for me to sing. One night, the 2 of us went. Had some dinner and beers. I sang a Heart or Pat Benatar song probably cause he usually requested a rocker chick song. I came back to our table, and a group of 20 somethings were sitting behind us. They said to me, "You are so awesome!"
"Thanks!" I said.
Jeremy turned back to them and said, "You should see her do 'Like a Virgin'." (If you've seen the video, you know how I do 'Like a Virgin')
Their eyes lit up and they excitedly asked me to do "Like a Virgin" for them.
I shrugged and said, "K." And then I went up the DJ to put my request in.
I went back to our table and waited my turn. After a while, the kids behind us said, "Ashley! We can't wait to see your 'Like a Virgin'!"
"Aw! You guys are so sweet. I won't disappoint you."
I turned back around. Then looked behind me again and said to them, "You know, I kind of am like a virgin, cause I was married to a gay man for 13 years."
One of the girls at the table got this genuinely sad look on her face and said, "Aww..."
"But now I'm fucking Jeremy."
I love the way Jeremy laughs when he's embarrassed. It's one of my favorite things in the world. It's a high, raspy sound that you wouldn't expect to come out of a 6'2" baritone man.
The table of kids didn't know how to react. At first, they were like, "No, she di'n'!/Did you hear what she just said?!/OH, SHIT!" Then they laughed, and they joined Jeremy and I at our table.
I did "Like a Virgin". I was awesome as promised. Then I asked the DJ to do a duet with me that we had done before a few times: "Paradise by the Dashboard Light". Even though it's rock and roll, I treat it like a musical theatre piece. When the DJ started singing the "Let me think on it. Baby, baby, let me think on it" bit, I was playing the part of furious girlfriend. Jeremy told me later that at this point in the song, one of the kids at the table said, "Oh my gosh, what is she doing? Why is she mad?"
Then the only guy that was with them, said, "You guys! She's ACTING! SHE'S ACTING!"
"What?!/No way," were the others' responses.
Jeremy quietly enjoyed the moment, giggling to himself.
Toward the end of December, Jeremy got cast in the Utah Shakespeare Festival's Education Tour of A Midsummer Night's Dream. He would be playing Theseus and Oberon. He also would be on tour for 2 1/2 months after rehearsing all of January.
I was thrilled for him. Then I got sad. 2 1/2 months. Oh, dear. Then I got nervous. What if Jeremy said something like, "We should just take a break while I'm gone..."?
So a couple of weeks before he left, the 2 of us were sitting on his couch when I nervously asked him, "Will you still be my boyfriend when you're on tour?" I was really nervous.
He got a confused look on his face and answered, "Yeesss... I'm not interested in seeing anyone else..."
I smiled and said, "Okay." Then I started to cry. Am I seven years old?
The night before he left, I went over to his apartment. During our special time, I kept getting the distinct impression that Jeremy wanted to tell me he loved me. And it freaked me out. Anytime I felt this imminent threat, I'd giggle or start talking about something else. I was really scared of hearing those words. I couldn't let it happen.
Off he goes on tour. I waited an entire week and a half before going to see him on tour. This was one of the times the tour was in Vegas.
The cast and crew wanted to go dancing on the strip, and Jeremy felt camaraderie was important to establish early on in the tour. So we went with them.
Can't remember the name of the club, but it was at the New York New York. Of course, we waited in line for a while. Jeremy told me he'd never done this type of club thing before. He wasn't sure he'd be into it.
Once we got inside, all us actors (meaning the awkward people in the club) went to the middle of the floor and boogied. Jer was being a sport and just dancin', just going with it. Then when I was sick of pretending to like dancing to Top 40, I embraced Jeremy in the middle of the floor there, and we just held each other, swaying back and forth every so slightly. I don't know what it was about that moment, but I loved him. I mean, I LOVED him.
We left the club to be alone and walk down the strip together. We held hands and talked and relished the cliches of Vegas tourists all around us.
I followed the tour down to their next location of Mesquite the next day from where I would continue north to Cedar City. We hugged and kissed, and I told him I wasn't sure when I'd be able to meet up with him again during the tour.
I was nervous again about him maybe saying 'I love you'. I gotta get outa here.
Just too much risk came with that phrase.
So I left. Back to the kids.