Thursday, August 9, 2012

Taboo

Since the kids and I arrived in California on Monday evening, Matt has been out of town. So we've been here at Matt's place without Matt, but he gets back today. 

Matt and I have not officially lived under the same roof since we separated in April of 2010. I'm not nervous about this at all, but it will be interesting. Especially, because this house is maybe 12 square feet.

I respect Matt. I'm proud of Matt. I love Matt dearly.

We might have to have a chat about boundaries. Because we've had some hiccups in that department.

There was the time I was doing the Vagina Monologues. It's a great thing. All proceeds from any production go to local women's charities. 

This last spring my friend, Mrs. Hilarious, who was directing, asked me to do the moaning piece. I was flattered, I was nervous. What a great monologue for me while in the middle of my sexual awakening. This particular monologue ends with a series of orgasmic moans- each completely different.

Well, a lot of times when I'm working on something, I ask Matt to look at it for me.  He's a director and I trust his vision. 

So I called up Matt on my way to work one day and asked, "Hey, you know how I'm doing the Vagina Monologues?"

"Uck...No, I didn't know that."

"Okay, well, can I do my monologue for you right now over the phone? I want your feedback." (Just fyi, I would have stopped before I got to the orgasming section)

"Absolutely not."

"Matt! Come on, please?"

"No. Way."

"Matt, why not??"

"Ashley, vaginas are 100% com-plete-ly disgusting to me now."

"Oh..."

Cricket...

"...what percentage was it when we were married?" I asked.

"I'm not having this conversation right now."

We eneded the phone call.

Me:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

6 comments:

  1. How fabulous it is that you two remain close friends. And you MUST be for this dialogue to have gone down without you killing him ;)

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  2. Where is the line of respect and privacy where your private life is not public? You are putting yourself out their to really be made fun of ? This seems something you share with a close girlfriend but not the whole world and let everyone in on your personal experiences..

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    1. Then don't read it.

      The rest of us love everything about her and wouldn't want anyone to promote any inhibitions in her in ANY way.

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  3. If you don't like it then don't read it anonymous. I think this blog is so refreshing.

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  4. I love you, and your story.(yay! good luck in CA!) I know Matt loves you dearly, but I hope that even though he can openly be disgusted by Vaginas now that that doesn't stop him from completely respecting the hell out of what yours has been through over the last decade and seeing it for its beauty. After Wendy's first show of the Vagina Monologues, Bradford (and you know his history and why this is so beautiful to me) came up to me in tears and told me about how he had been struggling with seeing the Vagina as a gross thing but after the monologues he had this new deeply profound respect for it and it was such a sacred moment for him to experience that new understanding. Disgusting is a pretty hard word so just make sure you continue to get that straight man sex with the Bob's in your life so you constantly know how effing beautiful you are!

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