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We all love good-looking packages.

Packaging is art.  Packaging sends a message.  Here are examples of some innovative packages:

Do you not feel totally great after looking at these??  

Some different ideas/feelings they evoke are Clean, Neat, Modern, Trendy, Homey...and all of these words also represent a common idea- COMFORT.   

Isn't Comfort the goal, the ideal, the dream for all of us?  We can replace comfort with other words, if you'd like:  Safe. Free. Happy. 

Happy.  That's it, right there.  

Real quick, look at these other types of packages:  


How many times do we see images such as these and think, "If only..."  

If only what?  If only we had that face, hair, body, car, house we'd be...what?  Fill in the blank.  

Here, I'll help you:  Happy.  

Or maybe just happiER.  And for some reason, most of us never seem to have enough happy.  

Now the question is:  What would a house with peeling paint mean to you?  Why would you not want a sloppy hairstyle?  Why do you put an item back on the store shelf if the wrapper is torn?  How does it feel to drive an old car or a car that has a smash in the side?  

Answer:  Something is wrong.  "Wrong".  That translates to something is wrong with me.  And if something is wrong with me, I cannot be happy.  

Of course, these are concepts and beliefs that aren't real or necessarily true.  But even the best of us (whatever that means), have this knee-jerk reaction to somethin' or other.  I promise, you do.  

I want to give you one more example of attractive, desirable packaging:  

So without going through the same thing I explained above about what packaging does for us, let me ask, how do you see the single mom and her kids sitting in church compared to the mom/dad/kids combo sitting in the pew in front of them?  Or the kid who goes to the father/son campout with a friend because his dad lives in another state?  What about the mom who is using her food stamps card in front of you in the checkout line? 

Something is wrong with them, right?  That person must be broken.  

What is wrong with that person that they could not succeed in the ideal of happiness that you are striving for?  And because something is wrong with them, you don't choose that person to be a part of your life for fear of something appearing wrong with you.  Or if you do choose that person for a friend, you keep them at arm's length so that you don't catch whatever it is that screwed up their life, screwed up their 'happiness'.   

And let's say you're divorced and the ex is gay; what was wrong with you that you couldn't keep it together?  Like a former friend of mine asked, "Why didn't you just strap one on and give your husband what he wanted?"  Former friend.  

You only want to associate with those that come in the packages that represent your idea of happiness and comfort.  Right?  

Now, I know this ideal is not the same for everyone.  I refer to a specific type of ideal here, but it certainly includes a majority.  

In light of the idea of packaging, I want to share a video that was put together by some fellow former spouses (straight ones) of MOM's (mixed-orientation marriages).  These men and women did all they could, alongside their spouses, to keep their marriages in tact.  They are not broken.  There is nothing wrong with them.  

See the beauty of their packaging, honesty and bravery, as they share the things that have caused them the most heartache in their lives.  

A final idea of packaging for you before you watch the video:  Humanity.  The package that we all come in.  


  1. 'A final idea of packaging for you: Humanity. The same package that you come in.'

    one of your best sentences, says it all.

  2. Excellent post. Thank you.

  3. This seriously made me cry. The path we each walk. I could never judge. Love you tons Ashley. --Gina

  4. Great post and video.

  5. Really great. I think the hardest to take to heart - and the most important - is the thing at the end: striving to respect how each person, each couple, each family decides what is the best outcome for their situation. When it got to that girl who was still married, I immediately recoiled. But who am I to judge? Every family has to find their own path.
    Really thought-provoking. Thank you for this.

  6. Being true to your best and authentic self....

    Words cannot express my appreciation you, my dear. Thank you so much for this.

  7. Thank you for being you!!!!!!!


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