Monday, July 30, 2012

Wait Until I Blog About My Own Daughter's DumDum (I Love You)

One of my older daughters has a friend who I'm gonna call Crazyface. 

Now I like Crazyface.  I do.  I think I've known her since she was in 3rd grade. 

Couple weeks ago, I'm in a movie and I get a text from my daughter, "Crazyface is gonna have sex tonight."

"WHHHAAAAAT???!!!!!!!!" was my apt response. 



I tried calling Crazyface.  I didn't even get up from my seat.  MUST CALL HER NOW.  But no answer. 

So I text Crazyface, "Don't.  Do.  It."

Then I immediately send a 2nd text, "It could change your life forever in ways that you'll want to take back but cannot!!"

And a 3rd, "Don't don't don't.  U could get a disease that u will have for the rest of your life or end up with a baby!!!!!"

4th, "I love u.  That is why I'm saying all this!!!!"

I take a deep breath.  I let it out.  Put my phone back in my purse.  Then I dig it out again, "But if u are going to anyway USE A CONDOM"

I keep my phone with me to check for replies. 

Nothing.  So I text her mother, "I just got a text saying that Crazyface is planning on having sex tonight.  If it were my daughter, I'd want to know!" 

Her mother's reply, "Thank you!!!"

Then I get another text from my daughter, "Mom, Crazyface was kidding!  You actually called her mom?!"  No, I texted her mom.  "She is in so much trouble!  And it's her birthday!"  Did I mention it was Crazyface's birthday?

"Well, now you guys know not to joke around about that."  I sat with my arms folded and a very satisfied look on my face.

"Mom!  She called me crying!" 

I ignored. 

Then Crazyface texts me, "Are you kidding me?!?!?!  This is the worst bday ever!  I was kidding!"

"I had no way of knowing you were joking."

"You ruined my plans, my birthday, my day, my week, my life."

Well, good. 

But then, I was all, Damnit. 

Then I was all, Stupid teenagers.

Several days later, Crazyface messaged me on Facebook, "I'm on the phone with one of your children from your uterus."

She's speaking to me?

"Are things better?"  I asked her, since I had ruined her life and all. 

"With what?"

"Seriously? With the whole sex and bday debacle!"

"Oh yeah. I was grounded for a week. I guess it's okay now.

3 comments:

  1. I'm just trying to keep my stepdaughter from making that duck face in all her instagram photos and wearing the short shorts that show the bottom curve of her ass when she stands up (she's too skinny for them to be formfitting) *sigh*

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  2. You did good. If Crazyface eventually thinks about losing her virginity at a young age I am sure she will think of you and your wise advice!

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  3. Love it, especially the "children from your uterus" and the amazing ability of teens to forget life-destroying moments. And, of course, your mama-bearness.

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