So I Called the Church 'a Lie'...

I want to clarify (and keep in mind, this is how I have come to feel about my very specific experience- the failure of my LDS temple marriage to a homosexual). 

I have strong feelings about the way the Church teaches (more so than what) combined with the issues that surround marriage (in general) and homosexuality. 

I feel these things are taught and viewed in an inauthentic way.  I feel this way because of my personal experience, which really happened to me- actual events in my life.

I have used the term 'fairy tale'.  

I went to a Young Women's (LDS organization for girls 12 to 18) shin dig with my oldest daughter several months ago.  They showed a short video that The Church (not my ward- The Church) had put together.  It ended with a picture of the temple and the caption underneath "and they lived happily ever after".  I don't need to tell you how appalled I was.  I spoke to the Bishop's wife about it that very night.  She was just as bothered.  Afterward, the leaders passed out miniature glass slippers to all the young women. 

Do you see now where I am getting this?  

A fairy tale is, in essence, fiction. 

It is the way they teach us about temple marriage and life in the Church that I feel is dishonest.  Yes, we are taught in the Church about trials and how we all have them and they are for our good, but not usually in the same lesson about temple marriage. 

Throw this into the mix:  My dad was rarely active when I was growing up and had substance abuse issues.  My dad would say things to me like, "Your mom shoulda married a different man, who is bishop material, who bla bla bla..."  My mom would say things to me like, "If I had known then what I know now, I probably would have made different choices."  My dad was a convert who did not serve a mission and was inactive, so he did not fit into the Prince Charming mold that I was learning about in Young Women's lessons. 

Can you guess how that affected my belief about a potential temple marriage (palace) to a returned missionary (prince) who grew up in Provo (the kingdom) and I met at BYU (the ball)?  This is really not an exaggerated way of looking at the Mormon dream.  And I am not trying to belittle it.  I am just telling you that it didn't work out that way for me.  

My boyfriend expressed his concern to me more than once about his child being raised in the LDS faith, because of his strong feelings about it.  But my reply to him on that topic is, "If she gets true joy out of it, then let it be!"  And my sentiment to anyone else would be the same.  Take your joy where you can find it.  I'm not out to hurt anyone by ridiculing their path of happiness.  I only want to explain why I'm looking elsewhere for mine. 

If anything, my blog will be an authentic reflection of that journey. 

And I'm not an arrogant or combative or angry person.  You should see how smiley and whispery I am at the library.  And I'm really cuddly.  I may be really good at sarcasm but that's just cause I've seen every episode of Friends.