Skip to main content

Horrible, Heart-Wrenching Part of Divorce with Nicki Minaj

The longest I'd ever been away from Timothy (a year and a half old at the time) was ten days back in '04 when Matt and I went to Europe to celebrate the completion of his 2nd Masters degree.  I was pregnant with Ada.  We left our three kids with my parents in Baton Rouge.  Matt & I boarded the flight from Baton Rouge a couple of hours after saying goodbye, and I started to sob.  Matt made fun of me.  I said something like, "Matt!  You don't you miss them?!"  He replied, "Uh, no.  I've been away from them for two hours before!"

Last Sunday night, I passed all the kids off to Matt (my two oldest had been with me for a week & 1/2).  Timothy, now 9 yrs old,  and Ada, 7, will be with Matt and their two older sisters for two weeks.  

We met in Vegas, as Matt is in Southern California, and I am in Cedar City, Utah.  The six of us had a bite to eat at Raisin' Canes (go there) and a half hour later, Matt was ready to hit the road back to Cali.  

During dinner, Emma, 12, said something about her birthday coming up in a couple of months.  "I'll be turning 13 and my birthday's on the 13th!"  I said, "Oh, someone told me once that means it's your Golden Birthday."  Ada asked, "When's my Golden Birthday?!"  "Yours will be when your turn 30, sweetie, cause your birthday is on the 30th."   

After dinner, we all walked out of the restaurant and Ada went in a different direction than the rest of us.  I watched her.  She gave me a brief look over her shoulder to make sure that I would know she was sad.  I interpreted the look to mean that she was gonna miss me!  She was super sad about being away from Mommy for two whole weeks!  

She stopped at a tiny tree that she leaned her forehead on and gave me the look a second time.  

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

Then she lost it, "My Golden Birthday should be when I turn 13 like Emma!  Not 30!"  


"Um, darlin', the Golden Birthday thing isn't really real.  I think it's just something my friend made up."

"But I still don't want it to be when I'm 30!"


We unloaded the contents of my car into Matt's.  I hugged and kissed Hana, 14, and asked her to be a second mommy for me to Timothy and Ada.  "They're used to having a Mommy to hug them and kiss them!"  She was very mature and sweet about my request.  Then, I said goodbye to Emma.  Emma's in that phase where my breathing irritates her, so forget hugging or kisses.  But she let me put my arms around her and put my cheek on her cheek.  And I lost it.  She didn't push me away or groan.  My heart burst, for so many reasons.  

Then I hugged and kissed Timothy and Ada, and I was full on bawling.  Ada was, too, but probably more about the Golden Bday thing still.  Then everyone was buckled into Matt's car; Emma was in the back seat with Timmy and Ada which I knew she would not endure gracefully.  

Matt followed me over to my car and was like, "Really?"

"Matt!  I've never been away from Timmy and Ada for two weeks before!" I said through sobs.

"You're such a girl."

"They're used to having a Mommy around all the time."

"Yes, and now they'll have their dad and have a different experience."  Wisely put, Saint Matthew.

I took some deep breaths and cleared my throat, "Um...(sniffle, sniffle) did you see my post about Nicki Min-"

"Of course. Yeah.  Duh.  I see everything about Nicki Minaj.  Has nothing to do with the fact that you wrote it. I love her.  "  


  1. I did not make it up! The Golden Birthday exists!! Poor Taylor had his at 1, so, well, he really got screwed.

    Ada will rock her Golden Birthday, just like she rocks every other day.

    so, there.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

In Which I Feel Compelled to Start a Blog Because of a Club and a Unicorn...

My name is Ashley.  I was Mormon for the first 36 years of my life.

Yep, I was baptized when I was 8.  I went to BYU where I received a Bachelors in Theatre.  I married a returned missionary in the Mt. Timpanogas Temple.  We were full tithe payers.  I fulfilled several callings diligently, including serving as Primary President for 2 years.

About a year after my divorce, I was chatting with my new bishop, who I had known for several years prior to that.  He asked me, "So, Ashley, why did you and Matt get divorced?"

I replied, "Matt is a homosexual."

I just looked him in the eye after I said this and waited a few seconds while he absorbed it.

Then he asked, "Well, was there another problem as well?  Like drinking? Or gambling?"
I looked him in the eye a second time and replied, "Nope.  Just that."

He was genuinely confused.


I was in a mixed-orientation marriage- a marriage between someone who is gay and someone who i…

The Counterfeit Experience of the Straight Spouse

The conversation has to continue as long as the wrong people keep bringing it up (April 2017, Ensign pg. 33).

The further I get from my experience in a mixed-orientation marriage, the more acute my understanding of how my experience, as the straight spouse, is/was marginalized.

Don't get me wrong! I'm the biggest cheerleader for the gay spouse, feeling trapped and unable to live authentically.  I'm the one banging on the other side of the closet door, begging, "Sweetheart, come on.  Stop doing this to yourself.  It's 2017 and despondency or depression or suicide is so unnecessary for THIS." 

But there's also the experiences of the men and women who are/were the straight spouse, like Ashley 1.0.  We aren't living authentically either.  And our suffering and scars aren't seeming too important. You may have read about how I super duper wanted to drive my mini-van off of Cedar mountain. 

And if you're just joining this conversation:  No.  It is…

The White Man

Let's leave this ambiguous.

Also, I'm not gonna tell you about experiences that took place with just one white man. For this, I'll make it one lumpy conceptual White Cisgender Heterosexual Conservative Male (cue the music from the 'Beef-It's What's For Dinner!' music).

In the work force, I have to deal with him. I have to play the game of diplomacy without compromising who I am. If it's mental gymnastics, it's the balance beam in heels with someone patting me on the head saying, "Gosh, I just don't know how you do that! I never could do that! But here are some pointers! Hey! Why did you do it like that?? Why aren't you listening?"

...but I just keep doing my thing.

Utah is the type of prime real estate, and certainly not the most prime, where this guy is King. Everything around him is his dominion. He is not a part of a group that is marginalized. For those of you who do not understand what I mean, I'll present you with the ext…