The First Time Jeremy Told Me He Loved Me...Poor Guy

We started dating August of last year.  I was just coming off of the high of "dating" The Artist, when I met Jeremy for the 2nd time (the first time we met was in '08 when I was married and eating).  We hit it off real quick, partly cause he told me he's also divorced and is a parent.  We met up later that night at a local improv show and chatted.  He seemed way too serious, so I was like whatevs. 

The next night we were with some mutual friends at Denny's (it's where theatre people go), and he was sitting right next to me when I texted him, "Wanna bail?"  He said, "Yes."



We went to a karaoke bar.  Being the Patron Saint of Karaoke, I rocked the holy anointed socks off everyone.  I had had my 1/3 portion helping of a beer and so was already very tipsy.  Jeremy, in is ex-mormon expertise said, "Woah, we should walk."  So we walked.

And we talked.  And he was all serious again.  And I was like, goo' thang I'ym sligh'ly drung. 

We sat in his car to keep talking cause it was past Cedar's curfew, and I was sober.  He talked about his daughter, and I watched his heart break right in front of me.

At 2am, I said, "I need to go...but I'd like to kiss you first." 

He did one of those things where his mouth and eyes popped open and a truncated sound came out of him (been wanting to use the word truncated for a while-NAILED IT!). 

I immediately apologized, "Oh, I'm sorry.  You don't want to?  That's oka-"

"No, I do!  Um, let's...get out of the car."

We got out and walked around to the back of the car and bumped into each other.  So we made the most of the moment and embraced.  He felt all good and tall and strong!  All the sudden, out of nowhere, my vagina felt like a very hungry Venus Flytrap.  Yeah!  Baby!  (Being in my 30's, ladies, it is frikyan brilliant!  Some days just putting on my shoes makes my lady parts react like that.)

And we kissed. 

And this was a big test for me.  Do we have chemistry?  Cause Mama needs some action.  Mama will be less likely to scream at kids tomorrow. 

***

Flash forward to November.  Waaayyyy too soon for lovey-dovey business, but we were certainly an item.

One late night at Wal-Mart, I said something really funny, and he said, "You are so funny!  I love you!"

Then I replicated the exact reaction he'd had in his car that night when I asked to kiss him, except way bigger.  

"Well, I don't mean like- you know, what I mea- Oh, god."  I'm dying of laughter.  He's mumbling something to himself, like, "Great," and "This is terrible."

I'm still laughing a couple minutes later, and I say, "Hey, Jeremy, I love you."

He rolled his eyes and said, "I gotta get outa here."  I'm still laughing as he turns the cart and goes in the opposite direction.  

Driving home, it was quiet, and I turned down the radio and said, "Jeremy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"Oh, god."

A week later we were at the karaoke again, and before my song started, I announced, "So my boyfriend, Jeremy, told me he loved me at Wal-Mart."  The DJ's response was, "Wal-Mart, huh?" 

He buried his face in his hands. 

By the time I was done teasing him about it throughout the night, he had proposed to me at Wal-Mart while bending down to reach the shelf with the pregnancy tests.