Monday, July 9, 2012

The First Time Jeremy Told Me He Loved Me...Poor Guy

We started dating August of last year.  I was just coming off of the high of "dating" The Artist, when I met Jeremy for the 2nd time (the first time we met was in '08 when I was married and eating).  We hit it off real quick, partly cause he told me he's also divorced and is a parent.  We met up later that night at a local improv show and chatted.  He seemed way too serious, so I was like whatevs

The next night we were with some mutual friends at Denny's (it's where theatre people go), and he was sitting right next to me when I texted him, "Wanna bail?"  He said, "Yes."



We went to a karaoke bar.  Being the Patron Saint of Karaoke, I rocked the holy anointed socks off everyone.  I had had my 1/3 portion helping of a beer and so was already very tipsy.  Jeremy, in is ex-mormon expertise said, "Woah, we should walk."  So we walked.

And we talked.  And he was all serious again.  And I was like, goo' thang I'ym sligh'ly drung

We sat in his car to keep talking cause it was past Cedar's curfew, and I was sober.  He talked about his daughter, and I watched his heart break right in front of me.

At 2am, I said, "I need to go...but I'd like to kiss you first." 

He did one of those things where his mouth and eyes popped open and a truncated sound came out of him (been wanting to use the word truncated for a while-NAILED IT!). 

I immediately apologized, "Oh, I'm sorry.  You don't want to?  That's oka-"

"No, I do!  Um, let's...get out of the car."

We got out and walked around to the back of the car and bumped into each other.  So we made the most of the moment and embraced.  He felt all good and tall and strong!  All the sudden, out of nowhere, my vagina felt like a very hungry Venus Flytrap.  Yeah!  Baby!  (Being in my 30's, ladies, it is frikyan brilliant!  Some days just putting on my shoes makes my lady parts react like that.)

And we kissed. 

And this was a big test for me.  Do we have chemistry?  Cause Mama needs some action.  Mama will be less likely to scream at kids tomorrow. 

***

Flash forward to November.  Waaayyyy too soon for lovey-dovey business, but we were certainly an item.

One late night at Wal-Mart, I said something really funny, and he said, "You are so funny!  I love you!"

Then I replicated the exact reaction he'd had in his car that night when I asked to kiss him, except way bigger.  

"Well, I don't mean like- you know, what I mea- Oh, god."  I'm dying of laughter.  He's mumbling something to himself, like, "Great," and "This is terrible."

I'm still laughing a couple minutes later, and I say, "Hey, Jeremy, I love you."

He rolled his eyes and said, "I gotta get outa here."  I'm still laughing as he turns the cart and goes in the opposite direction.  

Driving home, it was quiet, and I turned down the radio and said, "Jeremy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"Oh, god."

A week later we were at the karaoke again, and before my song started, I announced, "So my boyfriend, Jeremy, told me he loved me at Wal-Mart."  The DJ's response was, "Wal-Mart, huh?" 

He buried his face in his hands. 

By the time I was done teasing him about it throughout the night, he had proposed to me at Wal-Mart while bending down to reach the shelf with the pregnancy tests. 

5 comments:

  1. You had me laughing out loud. The whole thirties thing...nailed it. I love your blog!

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  2. The first time I met Jeremy I made a really stupid comment about single people not realizing he was divorced. Hope he forgave me for that... I absolutely love this story and I absolutely love you (even though we've never met. Not for lack of trying though, I am Scott Stringham's wife and we tried to do lunch with you and Matt once while we were in Cedar City for the day but it didn't work out.) Thanks for being a voice of reason since I have the same fears you do concerning the MOM discussion among Mormons.

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  3. Hahahahaha! I'm Justin Evan's wife, He's a friend of Scott Stringham's and it's a steenking small world.

    I'm drinking my first beer this evening. I'm 37. My lady parts are doing well.

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  4. Don't forget that I was the first to propose to you at a Wal-Mart back in 1992!

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  5. I have known Jeremy since high school, and man alive do I love this story.

    Your blog posts are smart and insightful, and I enjoy reading them and allowing them to make me think. Your perspective is one that I believe needs to be heard more, both in and out of the church. Thanks for keeping this up.

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