Friday, June 15, 2012

Who Am I? part 1

Or Who the hell am I?  Or Who the hell do I think I am?  ("She said hell.  I will no longer read this blog. Now excuse me while I get ready to attend a PG-13 movie.")

Y'all wanna know what 'technically Mormon' means.  I'd like to know what it means as well. (cue 80's sitcom laugh track)



In my virgin post, I used words like, Heavenly Father, Spirit, Savior, Holy Ghost, and Men are that they might have joy.  There are LDS ideologies that still work for me, like God and Love and Joy- actually these are all interchangeable terms as far as I'm concerned.  In the post, there was a specific audience I was targeting first and foremost, so I spoke in that language.  I was not trying to pull the wool over your eyes or take the mickey out of you.  I simply wanted the readers of the LDS persuasion to understand that I understand where you're coming from.  I come from where you come from- these principles and doctrines.  I may use different language for these concepts nowadays, but the concepts are the same.

So am I inactive?  Am I apostate?  Am I anti?

I am Ashley.

I am on a journey.  Just like you.  There is no right or wrong place for me to be on my journey.  I am meant to be exactly where I am, just like you are.

Still feel like I'm being vague?  Not my intention.  I am evaluating and re-evaluating my entire life right now.  I also don't feel like I need to come to any conclusions, right now or ever.  But I certainly may one day.

I, Ashley, have made at least one clear choice in the past couple of years: to err on the side of Love- a word, an idea, a force that I use with reverence.

14 comments:

  1. Ashley, I do not have the same background you do - I was raised Methodist and I don't understand Mormonism, but I do appreciate reading your posts. I love your courage and your heart!

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  2. Ashley, you are beginning to understand the power of blogging. It has saved me a lot of money in therapy co-pays, LOL! But it has also caused me grief with my church leaders because of my open opinions on gay rights. Good to see you have decided to continue posting. May I add a link to your blog to straightspouses.com?

    My blog is http://serendipitystr8wife.blogspot.com
    But there is nearly four years of content there, so it would take a very long time to read my entire journey. I keep meaning to go back and do that very thing because so much has changed for me since the beginning.

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  3. It appears that the server is down. ex-hubby is not home to fix it at the moment. We will have to be patient and come back later. :)

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  4. Oops, that comment should have been a reply to my other comment about straightspouses.org. :)

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  5. I think you have it, Ashley. In the wise words of Glennon Melton of Momastery, Love wins. That is truly all that matters, Love. Love for yourself. Love for your family. Love for your God, whomever he/she may be. Love for others. We are all fighting battles, love just happens to make it easier sometimes.

    Keep up the writing. XOXO

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  6. "Err on the side of Love." What a way to live! And I agree that we're all exactly where we're supposed to be on our journey. Sometimes we get stuck focusing on the where, when what we need to focus on is the process.

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  7. I'm a cat lady. It's everything you need to know.

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  8. i too have come to the same realizations and place(s) that you have come to over the past 3 yrs. Love. I think for those that question your faith (speculating of course) it seems so that they can do what normally happens.. put a label on you and then a) praise you or b) bash you. I LOVE your response. You are you. That shouldn't be vague to anyone. I oftentimes find it funny that the 2 greatest commandments get so lost so quickly. Love GOD with everything, and love thy neighbor as thyself. If I am not mistaken, this WOULD be the new law adjacent to the 10 commandments. LOVE! Who is to judge and deem LOVE? In my eyes none other than the one who created it himself. When you've got a world full of people who don't know how to love themselves it makes sense that they can't love others too. Keep blogging, and keep up the blunt authenticity. I LOVE IT!!

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  9. Love this! You don't have to justify yourself to anyone but YOU. I hope you keep writing! I'm not LDS but I work with a number of LDS teens and this is insightful.

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  10. "err on the side of love..." Unitarian Universalism my friend:)

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  11. I, too, made a decision to "err on the side of love." I come out of a different religious background, but very conservative, too. And love is it.

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  12. Love that is not rooted in values turns into chaos.

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  13. I just found your blog through someone on a Facebook group...my wife and I are going through the same thing right now. I honestly don't know if I'm bi or gay...but I see a future in our marriage, that being said I also see a future in us being great friends and not married but still a family. I've wished for a long time not to be like this...not to be who I really am and I'm done wishing for that, it feels so good of be free. I love my wife and we're embarking in this journey that is starting off in a low point but I feel we can make it better whichever outcome we figure is best for our family.

    Something my wife found that gave me comfort in relation to being LDS and dealing with members was the 11th article of faith, this is copied from LDS.org:

    11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they want.

    We're all on a journey, at different places but ultimately with the same end goal :)

    And thank you for your blog, it's been really helpful and I'm only 3 posts in.

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