Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hey, Kids! Your Dad is Gay! So What's New With You?

Matt and I did not tell the kids the main reason for our divorce right away.  We waited a few months.  You know, let's screw up their emotional health the least possible by dropping only one bomb at a time.

We told our oldest 2 first.  We chose a night that none of us had plans.  It was also a night when Matt had the kids, and they ritualistically watched Modern Family (ain't it precious?).  


I went over to Matt's condo (which was maybe a full block away from my place), and found him in a very jittery state.  He wanted to go up to his room to talk, where we went over the main points of the discussion, and he tried to breathe evenly.  

Back downstairs, where the older kids were still up, watching T.V., we told them we needed to talk (they were immediately bugged).  

And we told them.  No words were minced.  Dad is gay.  

Then, we heard lightening outside.  The lights flickered.  A clock melted off the wall.  The moon shone blood red.  And my children traveled to the future specifically to roll over in their graves.  

But then they came back from their untold demises and casket flipping, and my oldest (12 yrs old at the time) told us that she kinda already knew, because a friend had planted the idea in her head.  Second oldest (11) never saw this news coming.  But they were both calm and gave us their full attention.  

The part that I want to share about breaking the news is how I explained to them that the church they had been raised in, yes, by us, felt a certain way about the general issue.  Then, the culture (of Utah) in which we lived, feels even a little bit differently.  I tried to explain both schools of thought without actually saying, "Oh, by the way, there are people, perhaps in this very complex, that would think your dad is a perverse abomination and would be better off dead."

I then explained how I, their mother, felt.  "I love and support your father in his search for happiness." (I left out the part where I all but sent his first lover a thank-you note)  I continued, "And one day, I'll have a boyfriend and your dad will have one, too!"  

We all laughed at that and hugged and laughed some more as the NBC The More You Know PSA rainbow-comet shot over our heads.  Then we watched Modern Family on ABC.  

6 comments:

  1. I'll write that thank you note for you, if you like. I'm so glad you're doing this. You're making a difference at this very moment.

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  2. Nice that you could do it together. My ex couldn't do it. Wanted to stay in the closet forever with his kids. I couldn't lie to them though. I had to tell them real reason we divorced, especially since my kids thought it was there fault cause he left only 2 years after they all entered our lives. Not only that but his gay roommate was sort of tipping them off even the oldest were only 6 when this happened. I did get his permission to do it. He just couldn't participate.

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  3. I love Modern Family. And I really love reading your blog. I haven't commented on all the posts, but I'm reading all of them from the beginning. And you are making a difference. Keep up the good work.

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  4. I have 2 kids from a gay man too. I found out about your post from straighspouse.org, which I've been apart of for years and have no idea how I could have gone through the experience without them. I, too, have started my own blog - if anyone needs more info, because what's found on the internet are articles by people who haven't been through it or quizzes to see if he is gay (lame), you can visit mine as well, ithinkhesgay.blogspot.com. The more people are educated the better. Maybe will stop the next woman from marrying someone in the closet, or at best, help someone in the closet out. Let's all lead our authentic lives and remember your divine right is to be happy. Sorry for the soap box. Thank you for your blog!

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