A few weeks ago, I was visiting my ex in SoCal, and he took me to a drag show he frequents in Riverside featuring Raven (I will post later about how since my feminine awakening in the last 2 years, Raven is the only 'woman' who makes me feel like maybe I'm not really a woman at all).
I was thrilled to be spending time with Matt, out and about, and asked him to get me something to drink.
"What'll ya have?" he asked.
"Get me whatever you're having."
"Are you sure? I drink really gay drinks."
"What does that mean?"
"They are super sweet."
Then I gave him a look that meant, Have you ever met me before? Cause, ya know, I fix up my coffee to taste like a melted Coffee Nip.
His reply to my look was, "Okay...," in other words, You asked for it...
He brought me back a drink that was so sweet I almost took it back.
"What is this?!"
He smiles like an embarassed kid and says, "It's called a Gummy Bear."
Matt, I love you so much.
Then later, after the show is over, he and I stay and are chatting and watching the videos of the songs that are playing in the club. I glance at the big screen and see Nicki Minaj, who I cannot stomach, in that Starship video . I groan, "Ugh! I cannot stand her!"
"Um, what? She's incredible. I love her."
"Are you kidding?!"
I look on in horror at the horror. "Matt, this song doesn't even, like, flow! It's just a boring melody with house music jammed into it periodically."
"And, Matt, it's not even about starships!"
"I love her so much," replies Matt.
About 5 days after I got home from California, I called Matt-
The conversation has to continue as long as the wrong people keep bringing it up (April 2017, Ensign pg. 33).
The further I get from my experience in a mixed-orientation marriage, the more acute my understanding of how my experience, as the straight spouse, is and was marginalized.
Don't get me wrong! I'm the biggest cheerleader for the gay spouse, feeling trapped and unable to live authentically. I'm the one banging on the other side of the closet door, begging, "Sweetheart, come on. Stop doing this to yourself. It's 2017 and depression or suicide is so unnecessary for THIS."
But there are also the experiences of the men and women who are/were the straight spouse, like... Ashley 1.0.
We aren't living authentically either.
And our suffering and scars don't seem too important. You may have read about how I super duper wanted to drive my mini-van off of Cedar mountain.
If you're just joining this conversation: No, it is not just about sex. …
My name is Ashley. I was Mormon for the first 36 years of my life.
Yep, I was baptized when I was 8. I went to BYU where I received a Bachelors in Theatre. I married a returned missionary in the Mt. Timpanogas Temple. We were full tithe payers. I fulfilled several callings diligently, including serving as Primary President for 2 years.
About a year after my divorce, I was chatting with my new bishop, who I had known for several years prior to that. He asked me, "So, Ashley, why did you and Matt get divorced?"
I replied, "Matt is a homosexual."
I just looked him in the eye after I said this and waited a few seconds while he absorbed it.
Then he asked, "Well, was there another problem as well? Like drinking? Or gambling?"
I looked him in the eye a second time and replied, "Nope. Just that."
He was genuinely confused.
I was in a mixed-orientation marriage- a marriage between someone who is gay and someone who i…
Also, I'm not gonna tell you about experiences that took place with just one white man. For this, I'll make it one lumpy conceptual White Cisgender Heterosexual Conservative Male (cue the music from the 'Beef-It's What's For Dinner!' music).
In the work force, I have to deal with him. I have to play the game of diplomacy without compromising who I am. If it's mental gymnastics, it's the balance beam in heels with someone patting me on the head saying, "Gosh, I just don't know how you do that! I never could do that! But here are some pointers! Hey! Why did you do it like that?? Why aren't you listening?"
...but I just keep doing my thing.
Utah is the type of prime real estate, and certainly not the most prime, where this guy is King. Everything around him is his dominion. He is not a part of a group that is marginalized. For those of you who do not understand what I mean, I'll present you with the ext…