Advocate

When I experience a shift or transition, the effects sweep through so many realms... rooms. 

Let's say rooms. We'll go with some metaphor usage today; I've been listening to Folklore and Evermore on repeat. 

Let's say my life is like a big house with many rooms. There's the room where I'm in or not in a romantic relationship. There's the room where I am a breadwinner. A room where I am a mom. A room where I'm very young and wounded child Ashley. A room where I'm just Ashley, the today 45 yr old Ashley where there's a big laugh, opinions about marriage and monogamy, wanting an inordinate amount of sex, desperately wants to be in love and have that person love her back just as passionately, and loves local coffee. 

Like a great, blustering wind or a magic spell, the effects of my shift blow though all the rooms in a matter of seconds. The energy of each room changed, colors look slightly different, sunlight coming through the windows at a different angle or not coming in at all. 

So now that we've established how the shift affects me, let's get back to the shift itself. 

I usually experience this all encompassing type of shift, because something snaps. All the rooms get so unmanageable and cluttered, well, uninhabitable, it feels like my house will fall down around me. 

This happened to me within the last few weeks. 

In this most recent shift, the magic spell that is blowing through every facet of me, of my life, is advocating for myself and what I know I need. I underlined it just so we're clear. 

Here's what it has looked like so far: 

• I quit both my jobs to honor my grief and sadness and confusion from a year that rocked my foundation.

• I told someone I'm in love with (like, a lot in love with) what I needed, even though it most likely means I won't ever hear from him again. 

• I've gotten firm with myself in that when I feel like a piece of garbage, I proactively sit in it and wallow and get under the covers, and... I tell the people in my house or that I communicate with regularly that I am in that space.

While I'm using bullet points, here are some ways the shift may still show up, but hasn't yet: 

• I tell a kid that they need to contribute financially 

• I tell a kid that they need to move out.

• I move out

Stay tuned.