I was missing him so bad. Oh, so bad. I mean, picture it: I'm working. I'm dealing with 4 kids. My house is disgusting- I knew the living room had a floor, but I couldn't find it, and I missed it.
Hana has only D's and F's. Emma literally beats on my 2 younger children DAILY. There are more days than I care to remember that H & E would simply not get out of bed and go to school. I am able to sit down and do homework with Timmy and Ada maybe one night a week, so I had to just email their teachers and tell them not to expect homework to ever be returned. Hana has songs about 'dicks' and 'pussies' on her iPod. Almost every night that I had to close at the library, I'd come home at 9:30 to A & T saying they hadn't had dinner because their older sisters didn't make it.
These things, among others that I'll save for a precious post all to itself, landed me in the emergency room. Yes, that emergency room. The ER. Like on TV. The area of the hospital for emergencies. (Again, saving the deets for the precious post).
Jeremy knew how hard things were for me. He got daily updates seeing as how we talked almost daily.
So when I got to the ER, I called Jeremy.
He answered, "Hey, sweetie!"
"I'm in the emergency room."
"Good for you! I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself!"
Isn't he amazing?
A few days later, I texted him something. Something that was bursting inside of me. I had to let it out.
"Jeremy, I think I'm in love with you."
It felt right. It felt so right when I hit send.
His reply, "I know."
Later he called and apologized because he thought it was a douchey response. I told him it made me cackle, and it was a perfect Jeremy response, and no apology necessary.
During that phone call, he said, "I love you back."
I was doing that Barney-kid-actor smile again.
I told him that I wanted that phrase to remain special. No need to say it all the time. I don't need to hear it everyday. I don't want it to lose its meaning.
So when we were ending the call, I said goodbye, and again in perfect Jeremy fashion, he said, "K, bye! I love...stuff..."
It became our thing for a while.
Well, the tour had a pit stop in Cedar a few days later. As soon as he texted that they'd arrived, I jumped in my car and drove.
When I walked in, he was brushing his teeth. Jeremy brushes his teeth for no less than 8 1/2 minutes. I'm like, "Jer! Stop brushing your teeth! You're killing me!"
Once he stopped he grabbed me, put his arms around me, and acted like he wasn't gonna let go. The feeling was indescribable- to feel loved that much.
We went to his bed. I lied down, and he put his head on my tummy. It was quiet for a few minutes. We were just lying there in lovely, quiet bliss. Reunited.
He took a deep breath, exhaled, and said "I love you." The way he said it was like, Thank you. Thank you for being here when I got back. And thank you for loving me.
His head was still on my tummy, so he didn't know I was crying.
I left only a few minutes later, because I had to get back to...something (who knows). Before I left, I wanted to say it. Out loud. In person. I was scared. But I wanted to say it. Because I did love him. I loved him so much. Being with him in that silence made my heart burn. Burn is the only word to describe it.
He was now lying on the bed on his back with his eyes closed. Sitting on the bed next to him, I kissed him over and over. Then right before I left, I whispered, "I love you." And I cried again.