tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29667551355736391222024-02-26T23:09:31.873-08:00Ashley's Tiny CrumbsAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.comBlogger179125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-10841347395401035912022-09-22T19:54:00.006-07:002022-09-23T06:41:26.084-07:00The Institution I had a customer in my bar today who is getting married this weekend.He said that he’s been with his fiance for many years, and they’ve lived together for a lot of those years. I started asking, “So what’s the difference between what you’ve been doing and getting married?” I say started asking because before I could finish the question, he said, “Nothing.”I Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-64053130948636122822021-02-11T17:09:00.009-08:002021-02-12T18:29:08.322-08:00AdvocateWhen I experience a shift or transition, the effects sweep through so many realms... rooms. Let's say rooms. We'll go with some metaphor usage today; I've been listening to Folklore and Evermore on repeat. Let's say my life is like a big house with many rooms. There's the room where I'm in or not in a romantic relationship. There's the room where I am a breadwinner. A room where I am a Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-452923844941030332020-07-10T00:02:00.003-07:002020-07-15T10:14:56.595-07:00EnoughIn the 10 years I've been a single mom, the kids and I have moved 9 times.
Here's a list of those moves:
-House purchased with husband foreclosed/Moved to town home roughly a 5-minute walk away
-Moved to Southern California (The 909) so we could be closer to Matt (I needed the co-parenting; the kids needed the co-parenting). The younger two and I slept in his living room for 5 months while I Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-27791315722555778092019-02-10T18:50:00.001-08:002020-07-10T12:30:13.977-07:00LibidoI moved to Salt Lake City 4 years ago.
Like, 2 days ago was the anniversary.
When I moved here at 39, I'd had sex with 5 men in my whole life.
In chronological order:
1) Gay Husband
2) Dude from High School (you can read about him in my posts about The Boy)
3) My 1st and Only Actual Boyfriend Since Divorce
4) <clears throat> Another Dude, the Details of Which I'm Not Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-68086208187721540572019-02-03T17:53:00.002-08:002019-02-03T17:53:12.346-08:00Part 3, Etc? Cleeeearly, I don't want to write Part 3 etc.
Truth be told, I was emotionally devastated right about that time.
Loss of job.
Loss of a lover.
My dad very sick.
I will have to revisit when all my cells have renewed themselves. I don't know when that will be. I'll have to check Science.Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-10842711511537453332018-09-23T20:59:00.003-07:002020-07-10T12:55:21.486-07:008 1/2 years later or Life After Marriage... Mine... to a gay, Part Two: Matt
(He's gonna love this.)
Our friendship withstood the test of divorce. This is due in no small part to the fact that he buys me purses of which the current one is Coach.
He's a good guy. A great man. He's living his truth and truly his best life. There is no one on the planet of Earth, yea verily, who does not cheer for him from the sidelines louder and more annoyingly than me. He's not perfectAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-48047105828021290802018-09-23T19:27:00.001-07:002020-07-10T12:59:48.552-07:008 1/2 Years Later or Life After Marriage... Mine... To a Gay, Part OneI was skimming through some old comments on my blog this morning, because I'd never looked at them. I post something to clear it out of my psyche a bit, hit publish, and I'm done.
One of the comments was like many I get- from a woman who'd been in a marriage like mine, and they're now split. She asked me to post about what life has been like for me apres mixed orientation marriage purgatory.
I Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-69338381968619971622018-09-20T10:23:00.002-07:002020-07-10T13:04:22.241-07:00In 3’s. OR Break Me Off a Piece of That Kit Kat Bar.
It’s my Dad’s birthday today.
He’s only 69 and in a nursing home, because apparently memory care is a joke- he has Alzheimer’s. They have the length of 2 short hallways to walk, a ‘day room’ that has a television, and their own tv in the cubby-like bedroom that he shares with another dementia patient. No outside access unless signed out by a family member.
My dad doesn’t belongAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-68862713700200508802018-09-16T20:16:00.000-07:002020-07-10T13:06:11.971-07:00LoyaltyHow many times did you touch yourself?
Do you get sexual urges?
Where did he put his hands?
Did you get an erection when you were with her?
Did you have an orgasm?
Was it just missionary position?
Did you have oral sex?
What thoughts did you have during masturbation?
Do you know what masturbation is?
Oh, wait... I got more...
Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-90768510565622201132017-12-20T12:09:00.000-08:002020-07-10T13:09:35.964-07:00The White ManLet's leave this ambiguous.
Also, I'm not gonna tell you about experiences that took place with just one white man. For this, I'll make it one lumpy conceptual White Cisgender Heterosexual Conservative Male (cue the music from the 'Beef-It's What's For Dinner!' music).
In the work force, I have to deal with him. I have to play the game of diplomacy without compromising who I am. If it's mental Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-25184838308822349842017-03-21T16:54:00.000-07:002020-07-10T17:56:42.046-07:00The Counterfeit Experience of the Straight Spouse The conversation has to continue as long as the wrong people keep bringing it up (April 2017, Ensign pg. 33).
The further I get from my experience in a mixed-orientation marriage, the more acute my understanding of how my experience, as the straight spouse, is and was marginalized.
Don't get me wrong! I'm the biggest cheerleader for the gay spouse, feeling trapped and unable to live Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-89493778292069334362017-01-18T17:54:00.000-08:002020-07-10T23:33:01.859-07:00No Paid Ministry (or Hundred Grand Gross Annual)And lo-
It came to pass that an employee of the Mormon church anonymously shone round about the Mormon/Exmormon community, and the employee said unto them (providing documentation) that the Higher-Ups (General Authorities, Quorum of the Twelve, and the First Presidency) of the church...
...be gittin' paid.
Is this a big deal?
Yes.
Behold-
"Inasmuch as there is no Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-42552969650599121952015-11-09T17:51:00.000-08:002020-07-10T23:51:37.405-07:00What It's Really About (RE: The New LDS Policy on Gay Couples & Their Children)Sin.
It's not that we don't get the point that you're trying to make about protecting the children- which of course we don't agree with.
It's not that we're making a mountain out of a mole hill, either.
It's that the church is reiterating, loud and clear, that these beautiful people who are just as good and kind and deserving of happiness as heterosexuals or otherwise and didn't 'choose' theirAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-60581490664613273772015-08-26T00:42:00.000-07:002015-08-26T00:46:56.365-07:00An Epiphany About My Epiphany to Leave Mormonism Part 2So...
When my daughter told me that she vehemently wanted to have her name removed (which I have not done), I thought about her Mormon extended family members approaching me and saying, "Why would you allow that?"
And I thought about how I would answer.
"It's her decision."
"She wanted it and I couldn't deny her of that."
"Why wouldn't I allow it??"
And then I realized, as I Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-78968777719542544572015-08-22T20:57:00.003-07:002015-08-23T16:57:14.657-07:00An Epiphany About My Epiphany to Leave Mormonism Part 1"Ashley left Mormonism cuz her husband was gay."
I just gotta think that people wanna simplify my excruciating journey away from the church in this way. Or something similar. Regardless of the pain of so many major events for me (the Prop 8 summer, my divorce, this talk by Boyd K. Packer, my bishop rolling his eyes at me when I needed help paying rent although I'd been a full tithe Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-1802993748615225532015-03-25T23:46:00.001-07:002020-09-27T16:22:31.792-07:00Today...at BYUI'm feeling pretty fantastic right now. I just finished off a bottle of Cabernet that I opened a couple of nights ago.
I should mention- I moved to Salt Lake City.
So, I'm in Salt Lake, and that means that I have some of Me Olde BYU friends to connect with.
They are spread out all over the Spectrum (the Mormon/Not-Mormon-Anymore Spectrum).
Today, I met Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-18181888343645562842013-12-30T11:38:00.001-08:002013-12-31T02:04:58.366-08:00(NO TITLE) or 2013I didn't post very much in 2013. My blogger is full of half-done, choppy, unpolished drafts which is quite indicative of how my year went. So to flush these thoughts from from my blogger and to do some mental housekeeping, I've created a post for the end of the year comprised of these 'partial posts'. January 3, 2013 on Divorce(no title) The effects of divorce are like the ripples from Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-2372962399531089012013-12-13T00:21:00.001-08:002013-12-16T06:51:22.453-08:00The Mormon Church Makes a New Statement About Past Restrictions on its
Black Members
http://www.lds.org/topics/race-and-the-priesthood
(For the record: I never believed that God favored white people over people of any sort of color, because I'm not the matron of a plantation home in 1800's Louisiana.)
So, okay...the church leaders of yore were racist. Okay. Sure. They were human beings. Got it.
Next, it'll be a statement about women not having the Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-84002051007696539652013-11-06T10:45:00.002-08:002017-11-06T11:04:17.071-08:00Hi, My Name is Ashley… And I Am… A Working Mom.A curse of a parent? Your kids never really know how much you love them.
They don't get it. The won't. They can't.
It's okay. It's the order of the Universe: Fish swim. Birds fly. Your kids don't know how much you love them.
They don't understand the tears you cry. They don't understand your firm manner with them. They don't understand that rules are really for their protection.
AndAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-44287804043629087252013-11-04T19:07:00.000-08:002017-12-19T13:40:52.854-08:00This is a Rant. About Freedom.So last night one of my teenaged girls said, "I'm gonna move to New York."
Inside, my reply was Hahahahahaha!
Outside, my reply was, "There are only 3 reasons to live in New York-"
Before I give you the 3 reasons, let me express to you how much I would LOVE- would love more than I love the Wynn buffet in Vegas- to live in NYC. Or even just East. I prefer East over West as far as Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-19165187476444242192013-07-17T14:30:00.001-07:002013-08-06T15:10:17.954-07:00I Haven't Ruled Out That It Could Be My TwinIn the ER... brain cloud.
Nah, it's a staph infection. (See previous post for the beauty on my hip that looks like a boob.)
Here's today's photo:
It's like the Eye of Sauron.
They're about to drain this bitch, pack it, and send me home chock full of antibiotics.
They gave me a tetanus shot about 20 minutes ago. So I'm good for 5 years.
I went ahead Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-18614954873212352532013-07-14T21:04:00.001-07:002013-07-14T21:55:27.136-07:00I'm Brazen, and Maybe Even a HussyShould I just go live with my parents? Should I have all 4 kids live with Matt and I rent a room? Should I become a call girl? The high-class, makes 6 figures kind?It's too hard. Scraping by. Telling my kids 'no', they can't have this $3 ice cream or that $15 shirt. Exhaling mightily when they tell me they need new shoes because there are holes in the current pair or Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-9674380169659338072013-07-09T16:16:00.000-07:002013-07-09T23:13:45.682-07:00Summer 2013 (What the Hell is Going On with Ashley)I applied to a graduate program at an extremely reputable school called Loma Linda University about 5 minutes down the street from me. I applied. I interviewed. I got in. But I'm not going. It's just too damn expensive- yes, even with a $20,000 student loan award. Looking into other options for fall of 2014.
Jeremy and I are no longer together. Sad Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-69168868132036736442013-06-10T23:27:00.000-07:002013-06-11T23:50:11.641-07:00Mad WomanI am a single mom.
I am.
It's just what I am.
And because I'm a single mom, I have to work. The logic there is so... wrong. Right? Because when a mom becomes single, your kids need you more than ever. But, no, no. Mama's gotta work. Hard.
When I started the blog last year, I needed moola. More than I could make in Cedar City, Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2966755135573639122.post-20047222489553769922013-04-17T16:24:00.002-07:002013-04-17T20:51:17.209-07:00My Virgin LungsThis is not a post about marijuana. Though, it could be. I've tried it...
Boring.
This is a post about good ol' fashioned cigarettes. And me.
My daughter, Hana, started smelling like cigarette smoke from time to time. Could she be smoking?
I decided, yes, she was, after going through this process of elimination:
1) She's hanging out with smokers.
2) Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11233277669279344647noreply@blogger.com1